I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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