I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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