Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
