Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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