I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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