I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
