You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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