I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
