this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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