I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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