There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
