my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
