he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
