Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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