i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
