Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
