So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
