As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
