he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
