We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
