let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bring me that man meat
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
