You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
