im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
