she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
