lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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