The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
