Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
