you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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