At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
