why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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