this beer tastes like vomit already
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
