4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
