how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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