Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
