god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
