At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
