Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
