After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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