It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
