I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
