Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
