Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
