You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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