are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
