He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
