i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
