i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you had me at cake vodka
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
