I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
