If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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