The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
