I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
