in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
too bad you live with your parents still
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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