All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You took a bar mat shot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
