so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
