why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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