I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
