it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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