We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
