my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
