I cannot find my penis.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
