Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
