Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
