I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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