The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
