There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
