i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ok first of all what the fuck
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